America and the Election, The Laughs Just Keep Coming

I loathe politics but I have to say that this years campains have become a hoot. I have not laughed so hard since the last time I watched the 3 Stooges. Now, instead of Moe, Larry and Curly, we have Donald, Ted, and Marco.

The Donald is amazing, a true phenomenon. He is profane, professes ignorance of many key issues, and has no real plans, except for building that now infamous wall. He insists that Mexico will pay for it, despite some fairly explicit and colorful rejections of that plan by Mexico. He has now started ranting about restoring torture to the battlefields, which will be fascinating since Military leaders are saying that they simply will reject his orders as illegal. He is basically saying that when President he will do just what he wants. Funny, we have a President now that is doing just that and folks do not like that, yet, they continue to support Trump. His basic point seems to be that he will win because he is winning. I am sure any student of logic will find fault with that line of thought but, it is working.

Then we have 'honest Ted Cruz,' who increasingly reminds me of an especially sleazy used car salesman. He has been caught in lie after lie and still has the gall to stand up at podiums telling us what a devout Christian he is. He summons up fake humility, which must be hard for an Ivy League lawyer who's wife is a Goldman Sachs employee. Remember those nice folks? You know, one of the good American businesses who brought us the banking scandle, the housing bubble collapse and the Great Recession we still haven't really climbed out of.

Then we have Marco. I believe I have finally seen politics hit rock bottm, at least I don't think it can sink lower. Marco is now attacking Trump's tan, saying it comes from a spray can. Maybe, maybe not, but what in the name of all that is holy, does that have to do with being President. Then to make things weirder, he starts saying that Trump has small hands, adding 'and you know what that means,' a schoolyardish reference to the thought that small hands on a man means a small penis. On second thought, maybe he just hit the nail on the head, so to speak. All of this lunacy is an attempt by silly grown men to see who is The Man. So, let's eliminate the whole stupid campaign and all the ridiculous speeches and have them all gather on one stage, on Nationwide TV, and drop their pants. The guy with the biggest one wins. Good idea, Marco, best one you've had. That has the added bonus of putting Hillary out of the race.

Then we have the Democrats. Bye-bye, Bernie.  You see, Bernie was banking on young, white voters and they came in droves to his Campaign Rallies. However, they seemed to confuse Campaign Rallies with Pep Rallies and never seemed to understand that, after the party, they had to go to the yucky old polls, stand in line, and actually vote. You built your house on sand, so, by Bernie.

That brings us to Hillary, aka the Wicked Witch of the West. Hillary seems a shoo in to take the big prize, the White House. In fact, she is so sure that, like Pavlov's dogs when they heard the dinner bell, she seems about to salivate at the mere mention of the word, President. Actually, she has stopped givinng speeches, and has started almost growling them, I truly would be little surprised if, while campaigning under a full moon, she morphed into a werewolf, which would be really cool. I am quite sure that if she thought that might gain her votes, she would arrange it. Ah well, at least I can be amused at the thought of Slick Willie having to function as the First Lady, or First Man, or First Whatever, what does it really matter anymore?

This parade of idiocy at long last has a scattering of Democrats and Republicans mutterring about a 3rd Party ticket, to which I say, 'what the hell are you waiting for?' In the country, they have an old saying, 'root, hog, or die.' Well, if you folks are serious about this election, or any other damn thing in this Country, then you best get to it, or just shut up, crawl into your little holes and admit that every one of you are as spineless as a sponge. By the way, I am writing  in SpongeBob Squarepants on my ballot and I urge you to do the same. Our slogan can be, 'We've tried humans, and they've failed miserably, so why not an invertebrate?' 

 

 

American Gullibility _ Part 3

American are gullible simply because they believe these upcoming elections will change the path the Country is on. I will explain in a minute, but first a word about the major candidates.

Much is being made at the moment about Bernie Sanders' surge in the polls. He is surging in Iowa and New Hampshire, 2 tiny states. Clinton is beating him silly in the rest of the Nation so, bye-bye Bernie. Clinton is amazing. a phenomenon, simply because she is leading. How this woman, who has been implicated in so many sleazy doings is not in jail is amazing, but there she is, about to be nominated for President. At least Bill Clinton, if you overlook his disbarment and impeachment among many the other blemishes on his history, has a certain sleazy kind of charm. Hillary is about as charming as a rabid hyena. Yet, there she is, on top of the polls and with an excellent chance of being our next President. God help us all.

The Republicans are down to 4 possibilities. Rubio has an outside chance. However, he suffers from John Kerry syndrome in that he seems determined to take all sides of every issue.  That likely will not work, but who knows?

Jeb Bush is actually the most experienced candidate. I lived in Florida where he got that experience as Governor. You do not want this man as President. His major accomplishment as governor was signing a whole bunch of death warrants. He did, most of the time, sort of stay out of the way, which was a good thing, but at this point we need an actual President. I addition, he is a Bush, and call me biased if you will, but I refuse to, under any circumstance vote for a Bush. On top of that, hearing him speak is about as interesting as watching a toad.

Ted Cruz is a great Populist, a Tea Partier, a Man of the People, friend of the Average Citizen, or so he portrays himself. Nonsense. He is an Ivy League educated attorney, in the pocket of big business, and his wife works for Goldman-Sachs. Remember them from the bank scandals that led us into the last great recession? If you do, wave so long to Ted.

That leaves the Donald. Trump can give a speech and he darn sure has charisma. He says a lot of the right things, but I just don't trust him. He reeks of demagoguery and that is what we definitely do not need. Besides, I have a question. When elected, a President is supposed to put his assets in a blind trust, so his investments do not influence his policies. Does anyone really believe Trump will actually do that? Maybe, but I have serious doubts.

There was a candidate I found interesting, Virginia's Jim Webb. Webb is a conservative to moderate Democrat, ex-Marine, Viet Nam vet, former Secretary of the Navy, former Assistant Secretary of Defense, historian, and 2 term Senator. In other words, qualified and sane. However, he quit the campaign in disgust after seeing how things really work. He has hinted at a third party run. I hope so, and would vote for him, but he has less chance of winning than I do, and my odds are not good.

But, as things stand, none of this matters. it costs incredible sums of money to run for office. This money comes, obviously, from people with a lot of money, and they give to both sides. As a result, they own both Parties. When Republicans and Democrats fuss and fight, when the President and Congress quarrel and quibble, it is all just a dog and pony show. In the long run, everyone will do what they are told, what they are paid to do. Your vote is of little, if any, importance. Yet still, every few years we go through this charade, pretending that we are doing something important.

Is there an answer? Yes, but it a real long shot. If s third party could come up with a full slate of candidates, not just for President, but also for House and Senate, good people with real ideas and at least some charisma, and if that excited the average American enough to get some decent funding, then maybe things might start to change. Will that happen? No. Not this time around.

So, if you believe that this election is vital, that your vote is important, I have an announcement. I have just signed a deal with Newt Gingrich to handle those Moon Condos he's been wanting to build and I can get you a great deal.

The Debates, Part 2, or the Continuing Search for a Marginally Competent President

I really find politics terminally boring, but today I have to write about the debates again. This morning, I turned on the news, never a great idea, and was greeted with Donald Trump ranting about how strange this years elections are. He seemed amazed that Carson keeps claiming he once stabbed someone while authorities keep saying 'no, he didn't.' In other words, a Presidential candidate is being defensive about the commission of a felony. Normally, the commission of said felony would be the issue, but Ben is upset because others say he didn't do it. Let's be clear. The felonious act isn't the problem, the false claim of guilt is. This is totally upside down.

 

The even stranger thing is that 'The Donald' is acting as the voice of reason. Why is this buffoon even running? And how, in the name of all that is Holy, is he near the top of the polls. This is a man who is most famous for yelling 'you're fired' on his idiotic TV show. This supposed business genius has, here and there, gone bankrupt, yet we are to trust him with the management of the country. I can just imagine him in a high level conference with Vladimir Putin. Imagine the reaction when he screams, 'Vlad, you're a loser. You're fired.' Putin is not known for his sense of humor and Russia does still have a nuclear arsenal.

 

Then we have the rest of the pact. Jeb Bush has turned on his former protégé and dear friend Marco Rubio in hopes of grabbing enough points to save his failing campaign. Mike Huckabee is whining that he doesn't get enough time in the debates which is true and not surprising, given his miniscule poll numbers. Then we have Ted Cruze who seemingly is loathed by other politicians who are forced to work with him. He is polling fairly well, probably because voters remember his stirring reading of Green Eggs and Ham during a Senate Filibuster.

 

On the Democratic side, things are even stranger. Bernie Sanders is still polling well and still refuses to go after his opponent, leading me to believe that the American public just likes him because he looks like a kindly Grandpa. And in Ms. Clinton we have a candidate who quite possibly will have to campaign while occasionally making court appearances to defend herself against multiple felony charges.

 

People, there has to be a better way to pick the man or woman who will, at least in theory, be the most powerful person on Earth. Either that or we just admit the whole thing is a dog and pony show and that we are run by a few corporate heads. The latter is the truth but, we are a Nation that clings to past illusions like Linus clings to his security blanket in the old Peanuts comic strip. Oh well, at least I got that out of my system. Next time, I'll write about something of interest. I'll try to leave politics alone for a while. Promise.